10 Places to visit in Finland before you commit salmiaki suicide
I was asked by a friend what exactly my favorite places in Finland were. "I mean, it all looks the same everywhere. Am I right? Trees and lakes?". No John, you are fucking wrong! You need to leave this city more often than you do. Finland has some really incredible places to go visit. Here's a quick guide to ten places to go to.
10. Koli
Winter or summer time, the view is awe inspiring. Situated just north of Joensuu, Koli is Finland's national landscape. It's a lovely place to sit and contemplate your own existence.
9.The Saimaa Canal
Sit back and relax. Enjoy a boat ride as you travel between Finland's eastern lakes and the Gulf of Finland. Here one can contemplate the meaning of life.
8.Helsinki
The city so nice that they named it once. Finland's answer to Stockholm. Finnish people don't seem to like this concept, but maybe a better answer is that it's Finland's idea of what a big city should look like. And guess what? They got it right! It's big and it's a city. Good going guys! I'll grab the next round! Here one can sit on the grass of Esplanadi to contemplate society in all it's complexity and wonder "How far have we really come?" as you watch another drunken teenager stagger down the street.
7.Moomin World
Near Turku, Moomin World is Finland's answer to Disney Land on more drugs.Here one can contemplate the idea of commercialism on LSD.
6.Santa Claus Village, Rovaniemi
For all the people who ever wondered where Santa Claus lives, well he lives in Lapland. I often thought about what the hell Santa does with his free time living this far north? Let your mind wander and contemplate how you were not exactly lied to as a child by your parents and that everything has a ring of truth to it.
5.Alcohol and Alcohol Related Social Behavior
Not so much of a place as a certain state of mind. Finns tend to be less outgoing than most other Ethnicities. People are very straightforward and to the point. There is no such thing as small talk. Say what you must and no more. All of these rules get thrown out the window as soon as alcohol is involved and Finns suddenly become social animals. So enjoy and contemplate the spinning room.
Now it goes without saying that one should drink responsibly. Many people here don't and it's kind of sad. Finns tend to drink as if it booze was going to run out. Alko is the countries only retailer of alcohol above 4.7%. Some Finns say that they have done a fairly good job of raising awareness on alcohol related issues such as binge drinking or alcoholism. I say bullshit. It's not in Alko's interest curb drinking, just as it's not in a crack dealer interest to tell you "hey man, maybe you should stop smoking crack?". The Finnish non-profit Lasinen Lapsuus (Fragile Children) put out a really messed up PSA last year on the subject of parents drinking too much. Watch at your own discretion.
4.Lapland
A vast expanse of vast expanses. If you ever want to feel like you are on the Moon, then I advocate going. Sit back and contemplate the end of your own existence and the simplicity of what life could be.
3.The Northern Lights
No amount of words could describe the beauty that is the Northern Lights so I will not try. Contemplate the idea of perfection.
2.Yrjönkatu 8-10 B 25, FI-00120 Helsinki-The Headquarters of Perussuomalaiset or The True Finns political party
True Finns are an up and coming political force in the Finnish parliament where they currently hold 19% of the seats. Their views run the gambit from pretty right wing to down right racist on topics such as immigration, same sex marriage, Muslims, etc. I advocate going there just to protest or to contemplate how dumb people can be.
1.Turku
Finland's best example of what a small city should look and feel like. Stroll along the canal and enjoy the delicacy that is Mustamakkara. If your interested you can see how it is made at the Tapola Mustamakkara Factory. Here you can taste the quality that is traditional blood sausage.Go here to contemplate where food really comes from and what you eat. Enjoy this hilarious take on said sausage below.
10. Koli
Winter or summer time, the view is awe inspiring. Situated just north of Joensuu, Koli is Finland's national landscape. It's a lovely place to sit and contemplate your own existence.
9.The Saimaa Canal
Sit back and relax. Enjoy a boat ride as you travel between Finland's eastern lakes and the Gulf of Finland. Here one can contemplate the meaning of life.
8.Helsinki
The city so nice that they named it once. Finland's answer to Stockholm. Finnish people don't seem to like this concept, but maybe a better answer is that it's Finland's idea of what a big city should look like. And guess what? They got it right! It's big and it's a city. Good going guys! I'll grab the next round! Here one can sit on the grass of Esplanadi to contemplate society in all it's complexity and wonder "How far have we really come?" as you watch another drunken teenager stagger down the street.
7.Moomin World
Near Turku, Moomin World is Finland's answer to Disney Land on more drugs.Here one can contemplate the idea of commercialism on LSD.
6.Santa Claus Village, Rovaniemi
For all the people who ever wondered where Santa Claus lives, well he lives in Lapland. I often thought about what the hell Santa does with his free time living this far north? Let your mind wander and contemplate how you were not exactly lied to as a child by your parents and that everything has a ring of truth to it.
5.Alcohol and Alcohol Related Social Behavior
Not so much of a place as a certain state of mind. Finns tend to be less outgoing than most other Ethnicities. People are very straightforward and to the point. There is no such thing as small talk. Say what you must and no more. All of these rules get thrown out the window as soon as alcohol is involved and Finns suddenly become social animals. So enjoy and contemplate the spinning room.
Now it goes without saying that one should drink responsibly. Many people here don't and it's kind of sad. Finns tend to drink as if it booze was going to run out. Alko is the countries only retailer of alcohol above 4.7%. Some Finns say that they have done a fairly good job of raising awareness on alcohol related issues such as binge drinking or alcoholism. I say bullshit. It's not in Alko's interest curb drinking, just as it's not in a crack dealer interest to tell you "hey man, maybe you should stop smoking crack?". The Finnish non-profit Lasinen Lapsuus (Fragile Children) put out a really messed up PSA last year on the subject of parents drinking too much. Watch at your own discretion.
A vast expanse of vast expanses. If you ever want to feel like you are on the Moon, then I advocate going. Sit back and contemplate the end of your own existence and the simplicity of what life could be.
3.The Northern Lights
No amount of words could describe the beauty that is the Northern Lights so I will not try. Contemplate the idea of perfection.
2.Yrjönkatu 8-10 B 25, FI-00120 Helsinki-The Headquarters of Perussuomalaiset or The True Finns political party
True Finns are an up and coming political force in the Finnish parliament where they currently hold 19% of the seats. Their views run the gambit from pretty right wing to down right racist on topics such as immigration, same sex marriage, Muslims, etc. I advocate going there just to protest or to contemplate how dumb people can be.
1.Turku
Finland's best example of what a small city should look and feel like. Stroll along the canal and enjoy the delicacy that is Mustamakkara. If your interested you can see how it is made at the Tapola Mustamakkara Factory. Here you can taste the quality that is traditional blood sausage.Go here to contemplate where food really comes from and what you eat. Enjoy this hilarious take on said sausage below.
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