On continued sadness

I got some birthday wishes the other day from friends who I haven't spoken to in years. Today I realised that I have passed the point where I have spent more than 50% of my life living abroad. Bit of a head scratcher really as to what my life in NJ was like 20 years on after leaving. Everyone I know has moved on or is rather bitter about still being there. Yet for me I remember the place with fondness and more than a bit of embarrassment (shame really) about my stupidity in my youth and things that I damaged beyond repair. I still kick myself about many things and often get fixated on them. No going back though, so no way to fix things. This also means being stuck mentally. 

...Happy birthday.