On the idea of IKEA in Finland and living in the middle of no where
Imagine for a moment that you live in the middle of no where. Your nearest big city (100 thousand people) is 2 hours away. In between you and that city is an endless expanse (or what seems to be an endless expanse) of trees. Trees, trees and more fucking trees. A desert of trees if you will. A sea of green, flowing out across the flat banal landscape as far as the eye can see.
Well if you can't imagine this, then you can come and experience it in my little corner of the world. Also, if you don't fall asleep while driving and hence do not ram your car into one of the million trees (86% of the country is covered in forests!), dying a gruesome death , you will find a paradise of furniture. Welcome...to IKEA Kuopio!
Actually, in all seriousness, IKEA Kuopio is just like all other IKEAs everywhere else, straight down to the nasty food they serve (soy meatballs, seriously? I wouldn't eat this shit at home, why would I eat it here?). All the stuff for sale has a fake stylishness of the worst kind.The place reeks of Chinese made goods that probably have a high lead count or are toxic as hell because of some process of fabric softening that uses pure mercury and high level waste to get that extra spring time fresh feeling that everyone wants in a throw pillow cover. You can almost see the craftsmanship that was put into a 16 euro arm chair by a 11 year old Filipino child slave named Pablo as he sowed the leather on in an Asian sweat shop filled with dust and poor lighting. His eyes were red from the harsh conditions. He doesn't know how to read read or write and has deformed limbs from chemical solvents used in the manufacturing process. But hey, guess what? He's contributed to society and in the process made you a fucking chair! Be happy and take a seat. See that indent in the wood? That's where his fingernail came off because he held the belt sander incorrectly. Ya, he learned his lesson after that. He's recently been promoted to wood shaper! Now lets see how he does with the jig saw! His future looks bright. Wish him luck guys! High fours all around!
To honor Pablo and all the other children that IKEA has indirectly enslaved I did the only thing I could do: I bought a couch. It's super comfy. Me likey!
On a side note: IKEA did actually use enslaved people or (if we want to be nice IKEA and call them something less toxic to the image of the company) forced laborers during the 1960 and 1970s in East Germany. I would not doubt that they are still doing it, although I have no evidence for this. Let's hope not. Still, my couch is nice.
Well if you can't imagine this, then you can come and experience it in my little corner of the world. Also, if you don't fall asleep while driving and hence do not ram your car into one of the million trees (86% of the country is covered in forests!), dying a gruesome death , you will find a paradise of furniture. Welcome...to IKEA Kuopio!
Actually, in all seriousness, IKEA Kuopio is just like all other IKEAs everywhere else, straight down to the nasty food they serve (soy meatballs, seriously? I wouldn't eat this shit at home, why would I eat it here?). All the stuff for sale has a fake stylishness of the worst kind.The place reeks of Chinese made goods that probably have a high lead count or are toxic as hell because of some process of fabric softening that uses pure mercury and high level waste to get that extra spring time fresh feeling that everyone wants in a throw pillow cover. You can almost see the craftsmanship that was put into a 16 euro arm chair by a 11 year old Filipino child slave named Pablo as he sowed the leather on in an Asian sweat shop filled with dust and poor lighting. His eyes were red from the harsh conditions. He doesn't know how to read read or write and has deformed limbs from chemical solvents used in the manufacturing process. But hey, guess what? He's contributed to society and in the process made you a fucking chair! Be happy and take a seat. See that indent in the wood? That's where his fingernail came off because he held the belt sander incorrectly. Ya, he learned his lesson after that. He's recently been promoted to wood shaper! Now lets see how he does with the jig saw! His future looks bright. Wish him luck guys! High fours all around!
To honor Pablo and all the other children that IKEA has indirectly enslaved I did the only thing I could do: I bought a couch. It's super comfy. Me likey!
On a side note: IKEA did actually use enslaved people or (if we want to be nice IKEA and call them something less toxic to the image of the company) forced laborers during the 1960 and 1970s in East Germany. I would not doubt that they are still doing it, although I have no evidence for this. Let's hope not. Still, my couch is nice.
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